My mother recently reminded me of this poem, it was one I had often shared with anyone willing to listen when I was younger. You see, it resounded so much with me. How many times have I said yes when deep inside I’ve been so unhappy? How many times have I watered myself down because I didn’t want to seem aggressive, or like a ‘show off’ or ‘too much’? But here is the thing, when you are true to the core of who you are you give room for everyone else around you to do the same. When I said okay to the wrongs things in my life, it meant okay to younger girls looking up to me: a cycle of young women who are afraid to express and speak for themselves. It meant it’s an okay to people who took advantage of my kind nature to keep doing so. And ultimately, it could mean that we begin to do the same (as hurting people hurt people) or we leave many things unspoken.
Life shouldn’t be lived this way!!!
Everyone gets there living space, the truth is there is enough room for all of us to grow and there is enough sky for all of our branches. But some of us whither in our shyness and lack of confidence whilst some forcefully push their branches upon others. But if you take back your room, with a firm but gentle NO, what is entitled to you – what is rightfully yours – will be returned.
I chose to be very, very careful with the friends I make and the things I allow in my life. The Bible in Proverbs 13:20 says that Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. This isn’t to say that we should become guarded and build walls up, but simply that we should have a gate which lets in all the beautiful experiences and personalities, and is very strict about not letting in negativity, unkindness or destructive attitudes. You overhear gossip and say, nope. Don’t want to hear it. Because gossip might be interesting but it’s at the expense of someones reputation and well being. Walk out of a bad situation, block it, delete it if you must. Think of it this way: you have no idea how many years you will be blessed with, God willing up to 90 or even 100. Wouldn’t you want to fill every one of these days to the best of your ability with beautiful people and experiences? So that, even when a painful experience inevitably comes along, you have the people you love about you to strengthen you and understand you. Why accept any less?
Speak out your dreams and the whole Universe will conspire to get it for you. It is Gods wish that we be happy, fulfilled, loved and at peace. Now, for the poem…
No More Smalling Up Of Me
by Jean Wilson
No more meekly saying ‘yes’
When my heart is screaming ‘no’
No more taming of my feelings
So my power won’t show
No more hiding my exuberance
From disapproving eyes
No more watering down myself
So my spirit won’t rise
No more ‘smalling up’ of me
Pretending I am not here
No more running from the music
And the spotlight’s glare
No more living in this prison
Barricaded by my fears
No more turning and retreating
In the face of new frontiers
Even as I am speaking
I am taking shape and form
Harnessing my powers
Like a gathering storm
There’s no obstacle so bold
As to dare stand in my way
I am taking back my life
And I am doing it today.
Jean is a Jamaican writer, workshop leader and performance poet with a special interest in inspirational creative expression.No More ‘Smalling Up’ of Me is the title poem of her poetry book published by Ian Randle Publishers Ltd., Jamaica.
Be Blessed!!!
Some of the best moments are spent with great friends by a BBQ 🙂
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